Why I Left Facebook

Hey guys. It’s been awhile since I last gave an update to you guys about how life’s been going. 

If you didn’t know before, I pretty much have stopped updating my personal Facebook and don’t go on it unless its to post on the bandpage or use it to contact my band in our Facebook group. It’s probably the weirdest, quickest, most spontaneous decision I’ve made in a long time but I feel wonderful. I’ve spent all my time earnestly chasing after one-on-one time with some of the most beautiful souls in my city and the time I’ve spent with them has been rejuvenating. 

The problem with Facebook, for me, is that when I’d log on it was always because I was lonely and feeling separated from my friends. Now that I’m older I see so much less of them and it makes me feel like I’m on an island sometimes. Facebook was a way for me to feel, in a synthetic way, that I was close with them again. But as soon as I logged out, that feeling would stop. And that, my friends, is not a good way to live.

I got home one night from work, briefly posted something asking people if they’d ever decided not to use Facebook anymore, and before people even had a chance to respond I’d decided. I typed up a little essay on what I was feeling, posted it and haven’t been back since. It’s been one month since I last posted.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever go back, honestly. I always felt like I was expected to perform, to be funny and make people laugh. I never really felt like my serious, pensive moments belonged on Facebook. Pensive moments and serious thoughts seemed to be for the real world, and Facebook was such a fake place to be.

Who knows? I can never say never. But for right now my heart is full, I haven’t felt lonely in a month and I’ve got a stronger than ever love for reality. The real world. My home. And I love it.

Anonymous:
Have you ever been in a relationship that is perfectly fine, but you're not content? There are no butterflies, no passion... You guys have sex, never make love. But you know he loves you so much and you get mad that you don't love him as much as you should, because everything is there, but at the same time something is missing... that spark... have you ever experienced this? and if you haven't, what do I do?

So I’ve been saving this question because its clearly asked in earnest and I don’t like answering serious questions without time to think about it to offer up my best wisdom on the matter.

First of all, yes. I think it’s actually quite common in the society we live in for people to settle and end up in relationships that are a bit one-sided and I am certainly a person who’s been in your exact position. It was very hard to learn that the love I felt for the person at the time was really not the kind of love I wanted for my life. It was really more the way I would love a good friend, or someone in my family. And yes, eventually it got to a point where the facades all fell away and there wasn’t really much left at that point for me. So I completely know how disorienting, confusing and painful it can be and my heart goes out to you. I hope you know you aren’t alone, many people have experienced what you’re going through and you’re going to be okay.

As far as what to do, I don’t know enough about you, dear anonymous, or the person you are with, to give any ultimatum-esque advice to you. I can’t say whether you should leave or stay, only that you should weigh what your heart is telling you. If you think it’s as simple as sitting down with your significant other and being open and honest with them about how you’re feeling. You absolutely deserve to be treated as rare and exquisite, because you are. Your heart has every right to long to be loved and treasured and adored and wanting those things is not a weakness. Closeness and intimacy can often be confused with sex (and sex *can* be intimate and make you feel close,) but lasting closeness comes from two people being open and honoring with each other, and what each person needs to feel whole and fulfilled.

I hope this has helped a little, and if you have any other questions let me know and I will do my best to help with what little experience I’ve had! 

Love,
Autumn